The thought that brings me to tears every time I think of it? My own power.
In the 'about me' part of my Facebook profile I state that I "often wish I had superpowers". It's a funny little statement that is meant to get a laugh, but the truth is I'm mostly afraid that I might have superpowers.
There's this blockage - this thing that prevents me from really going too deep in meditation, from honing my psychic skills, from diving deeper into the esoteric. A very psychic friend once asked what I was so afraid of and why didn't I acknowledge the extent of my gifts... And I just cried.
I've dabbled in a lot of things - but from a very early age I learned that I do have powers beyond measure and it scares the shit out of me. I did a love spell with a wiccan friend in high school and the boy targeted went from blissful indifference toward me to stalking me for a year.
One time, when I was asleep, I realized that I was in a deep deep state of consciousness and I asked about my purpose here - what was it all about. I was shown a picture of my mother. It wasn't an innately scary thing but I touched something in that moment, I went somewhere or saw something I wasn't
'supposed' to see - and the fear awoke me.
It reminds me of the "Our Greatest Fear" bit by Marianne Williamson.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
I've heard that our collective purpose in this age is to conquer fear. New agers believe that this is the spiritual reason (god's purpose) for all the terrorism in the world. We, as a collective unconscious, need to master fear.
I certainly do.
After listening to a very interesting UC Berkeley Q&A podcast of David Lynch speaking about his experiences with Transcendental Meditation - which I highly recommend downloading from iTunes U (a new audio 'university' where you can download podcasts of university lectures for free) - I've been looking into TM but the course fee is a bit steep.
Anyone have any recommendations on where to start?
1 comment:
Hi,
I liked this post. I have similar fears. I think that, because I am a man however, instead of crying I end up hurting myself. I feel that the only way to conquer fear is to one day say to oneself - damn it, I won't listen to this fear anymore. It is irrational, it only brought me pain and misery, I will not pay attention to it. I know this is easier said than done but I know this is the only way. Every day ponder on it if you really want to overcome it, and decide within yourself that you won't let fear affect you anymore, no matter how strong it feels. I feel this can be done. Good luck!
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