Anger Management (Part 2)

The truth is that there is nothing that can be gained by fighting. Fighting isn't about making compromises, or making things work.

A fight is about wanting to be 'right'.

But being right is costly. Even if you are correct in your argument, you are only correct subjectively, according to your emotions, logic and experience. But your argument might not be correct to someone else's emotions, logic and/or experience. So yell and argue until you're blue in the face, but don't expect results.

The fact is, the only thing to garner from such an argument is power. But it is a short-lived power, and it isn't going to bring you peace in the end.

I love this and I try to live this quote:

“When given a choice between kindness and being right, choose kindness.” Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Of course in the moment, it's difficult to remove ego from the equation and step back far enough to be selfless in a heated moment - but not only will it likely diffuse the situation, but it will leave both parties more peaceful and ready to move toward reconciliation.

Another fun thing to try is to funnel pure love energy toward someone you're upset with. Whether it's a boss, a spouse, a sibling, a friend... In the crux of the situation, imagine a beam of pure unconditional love streaming from your heart to theirs. See if it changes the situation. I'll bet you it does.

I don't know much - but I do know that more peace will come from living in this way than fighting all the time. At the very least, you'll never have to worry about your blood pressure. And practicing sending out that kind of good energy is great. The more you send out, the more you get back. Send nothing out and you'll get nothing back.

No matter how hard I try I can't NOT compare it to the Care Bear Stare....

Anger Management for the New Age

Without a doubt, there are trying moments throughout the day. Someone annoys you or bumps your car, or cuts you off or has smelly feet in your face when you're trying to do your deep breathing in yoga class. Whatever it is, the temptation is to brew, stew, get peeved. This is inevitable... But it's also totally bad for your karma and you're actually doing the opposite of helping the situation.

Whether it's during a one-on-one confrontation with someone who makes your blood boil or it's a stranger you find offensive in some way - the negative energy you're building up as a result of your anger is only affecting YOU negatively.

My good friend (who I've never met, but who is a kindred) Wayne Dyer always says - Choose Peace. And it's not some hippie-dippy throw two fingers in the air kind of thing.. It's about removing tension and anxiety from your life through a shift of focus. One way of doing this is by using mantras.

I compare it to traditional anger management's counting method. When you're angry - start counting down from 10 before reacting. In that time you will hopefully have cooled and relaxed yourself before doing something stupid.

The new age equivalent to this is chanting (inside your head) "love, love, love" and trying to send love to the person you are angry with, the person who has wronged you, the person you find offensive. I do it several times a day. I guess it's probably a bad thing that I get angry/irritated that much every day - but I live in Toronto and take public transit, it can hardly be avoided.

I find the longer I repeat the word, the more I actually start to feel it. I try to send unconditional love to that person. Because what goes around comes around - and sending love to that person comes back on you three-fold, increasing your sense of peace.

Diffuse the anger bomb with love. That's what I'm saying. And now excuse me while I go frolic in San Francisco with some flowers in my hair...