What's To Come

I haven't posted in eons, and for that I am sorry. There have been... ahem... some developments that have made it difficult for me to post without touching on them. Namely, I found out I am going to be a mother this winter.

I'm in my second trimester, and slowly getting comfy with telling people... but there is still some anxiety around it. Not because I'm unhappy with the news, but because it feels so intensely personal that it feels like I am exposing myself every time I tell. Like they say in Tina Fey's movie Baby Mama - I'm coming out of the mommy closet... revealing that this is something that I have not only longed for for years but that it's something I feel will intensely affect and change the course of my life. This is something I know.

And I've been waiting.

In a way, this baby is much like the herald of a new era for me - an era filled with an abundance of creativity, and fresh thinking. A spring for what seems like my longest winter.

But therein also lies the anxiety.

As much as I know that this child will force me to re-examine my creative backburner that has too long gone unattended, it's almost painful to go back to failed attempts at writing, at creating - and open that passage again. What if? What if? What if it all goes bad again? Can I handle the rejection? AM I GOOD ENOUGH? Most of you are probably nodding your heads. You've been there. Who hasn't.

This tiny thing inside of me is already rifling through all the garbage I've been burying and is starting to bring it up (along with yesterday's dinner). So the stall in writing has mostly been me steadying myself against anything solid - hoping I'll make it through this windstorm of change.