Conquering Fear?

There's a sore spot deep within that I've never articulated and I don't know why. Every time I think about it, I cry. And it's not what you'd think.

The thought that brings me to tears every time I think of it? My own power.

In the 'about me' part of my Facebook profile I state that I "often wish I had superpowers". It's a funny little statement that is meant to get a laugh, but the truth is I'm mostly afraid that I might have superpowers.

There's this blockage - this thing that prevents me from really going too deep in meditation, from honing my psychic skills, from diving deeper into the esoteric. A very psychic friend once asked what I was so afraid of and why didn't I acknowledge the extent of my gifts... And I just cried.

I've dabbled in a lot of things - but from a very early age I learned that I do have powers beyond measure and it scares the shit out of me. I did a love spell with a wiccan friend in high school and the boy targeted went from blissful indifference toward me to stalking me for a year.

One time, when I was asleep, I realized that I was in a deep deep state of consciousness and I asked about my purpose here - what was it all about. I was shown a picture of my mother. It wasn't an innately scary thing but I touched something in that moment, I went somewhere or saw something I wasn't
'supposed' to see - and the fear awoke me.

It reminds me of the "Our Greatest Fear" bit by Marianne Williamson.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

I've heard that our collective purpose in this age is to conquer fear. New agers believe that this is the spiritual reason (god's purpose) for all the terrorism in the world. We, as a collective unconscious, need to master fear.

I certainly do.

After listening to a very interesting UC Berkeley Q&A podcast of David Lynch speaking about his experiences with Transcendental Meditation - which I highly recommend downloading from iTunes U (a new audio 'university' where you can download podcasts of university lectures for free) - I've been looking into TM but the course fee is a bit steep.

Anyone have any recommendations on where to start?

Live and Let Go...

I probably couldn't count how many times I had to ask myself to 'let go' yesterday. Letting go is such a powerful tool for so many situations, I find. It's simply the act of allowing yourself to be. I've heard some speakers refer to it as trusting god - or the universe - and trusting that everything will happen exactly as it should. You know, just letting go of expectations, letting go of worries about outcomes, just letting go of everything that keeps you from your peace.

In my case, yesterday, it was my need to stay in the moment. During yoga, I found my mind wandering to a million places - no surprise since I leave for our Vegas holiday tomorrow... But it was interfering with my practice. I had to let go of all of the worries, the distractions, the lists my mind was making.

Us control freaks have a hard time sometimes, letting go and letting things happen - but I think it can be a truly liberating experience for us when we finally do start 'letting go'.

Why the need to control everything? Out of fear, I would guess. I read somewhere that there are really only two emotions: love and fear. Every negative feeling, every worry, every anxiety is fear-based and every positive feeling is love-based. Looking at it this way, to let go is to let go of the fear.

We fear many things, on a basic human level, I think. We fear death, pain, loneliness, poverty, separation, failure, rejection, humiliation, persecution, judgment - some even fear the opposite: success, power, wealth (I know I do to a certain extent). These fears are the root for so many neuroses. And they cripple us daily.

To become more actualized in our spiritual lives, we have to start dealing with our fear. We have to start letting go of it - realizing that it's an artificial barrier, it exists only in the mind, and the mind has the power to overcome it and live a fuller life. Because we are so much bigger than our fears.

So just for fun, let's all let go of one negative thought today. I plan to let go of the constant whining happening in my head about how little sleep I got last night. Goodbye groaner!

Fear

I know I wrote earlier about the shadow self and coming to terms with your subconscious and unconscious self. I think a lot of us don't or won't out of fear.

Where the fear, there is your task! - C.G. Jung

A friend of mine who took his own life explained it thusly: "Fear is insidious. It sucks you in..." meaning, it takes over slowly, gradually, subtly.. until all you are is a collection of fears - and you have nothing left to grab onto - you're completely sucked in.

Every time I find myself afraid of something - whether it's an external thing or a change that's about to take place, I think of those words, that little nugget of wisdom and I endeavour to not let myself go there.

Of course fear is inevitable. It reminds us that we're alive - it can point out where we've allowed ourselves to stagnate or grow too comfortable. It can invoke change, progress.

BUT...

Fear also retards the mind, blinds us from new insight, keeps us shackled to old patterns and negative influences.

It also creates monsters among us. See case point.