The Bus Stop and Other Good Places to Think

There's one good thing about public transportation - it forces you to sit in yourself and wait. We don't wait that much anymore. When we want things we go and get them - and we complain if we have to wait even a few minutes for something. A few weeks ago I was at a popular coffee chain and asked for decaf (my doctor told me to lay off caffeine). The woman looked at me regretfully and said "I don't have any made." I just smiled and said "I'll wait." She was shocked and proceeded to make a pot.

Part of the internet revolution was that everything became instantly accessible. We don't have to go to the store to buy the movie that just came out. We can download it. We don't have to lug ourselves out to the bookstore - we can browse online in our pajamas, while we eat breakfast. We don't really spend much time with ourselves anymore.

But yesterday I sat on a park bench for half an hour waiting for a streetcar... And I have to say. I found it entirely enjoyable. There I was, alone with myself - and suddenly things got a whole lot clearer. Like I could see myself again... I could see my life, I could think about it without distraction.

My brother is a great man, an honorable man - but he's not what you would call a thinking man. He goes to great lengths to NOT think about things. I once asked him if he believed in god. He told me he hadn't ever really thought about it. Surprise. But he and I drove across Canada once, after I finished university. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open in the prairies - because it was like driving through the desert... Hours and hours of the EXACT same landscape. I understandably fell asleep. The road ahead was straight into the horizon and for 360 degrees there wasn't much except the odd tree to look at. I woke up hours later - to the EXACT same landscape I had fallen asleep to - but my brother was still awake, miraculously. I remember blinking a few times and looking over at him.

"How on earth are you still awake?" I asked in earnest.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking," he answered.

And THAT - I knew - was a real turning point in his life. Because for the first time, he was alone with himself. Really, truly alone with his thoughts - and forced to deal with them.

I've been confronted with a lot of life questions lately - mostly triggered by thoughts of the future that I want, and exacerbated by the fact that I don't know what I want. But I tell you, half an hour on a park bench, waiting for the streetcar, and I'm starting to feel a little less foggy.