Cycles

I'm sure not the right person to talk about cycles, seeing as I know much less about them than my brilliant father who is currently cracking the code to the universe using cycles. But one thing I do know about cycles is that they're a reassuring part of life.

For instance, this last week has been something of a low point, admittedly. But just like the Death card in the tarot - these low points, where you think you're going to die are just changing points. You let go of something, perhaps some long held belief or a crutch, whatever it is, through the process of grieving and then you're free to change in a new way. The tarot describes it as "the idea of putrefaction, the rotting fermentation in the alchemical process, which - just like humus - is the prerequisite and basis for new life or for a new push in development."

Basically, that which decomposes during the crisis also becomes the compost which enriches the coming growth. And there's your cycle. It's the most natural cycle on earth.

My very wise and beautiful yogi friend made a comment that validated this sentiment completely (and also inspired this entry - thanks G). She said, "Being stuck is a beautiful thing, especially right about when you feel like you cannot breathe! It is at this moment that where you can assure yourself that relief, answers and "aha" moments will appear.. Through my own experiences in my spiritual journey, the more "stuck" you are the closer you become to your "truth"."

I think somebody needs to give this woman a blog so I can read it!

All of this to say that I can feel the new buds pushing through the soil now, slowly but surely. And I feel things are starting to return to a sense of normalcy. Just last night, after a very confident and strong yoga class, I was overwhelmed by the sense that everything really was going to be okay. And I know it sounds stupid, but I needed to have that feeling back, because I had been having doubt.

What I said before about the reassuring nature of cycles was just that in your lowest moment, your moment of most despair, you just know that it's going back up. And I think it reminds you (I'll try to remember) that when you're flying high in the cycle, you should store up that strength, resolve and energy and save some for that rainy day on the horizon.

Don't Worry...

Things are starting to look up. Nothing has actually changed, but I'm feeling a bit brighter. Maybe because it's Friday.

Actually, I think times like this are really important. They wake you up, force you to take your bearings, question if you're in the right place, question your choices and how you got there. And I sure have been doing a lot of that.

I came across this great article, which really spoke to me about the source of my problem. I am clearly taking on too much at once.

The author of that article talks about how to get out of a slump - and one of the ways is to recognize that you might be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of necessary changes that it's just easier to stay put. Or as I might have said yesterday - stuck.

But I need to start thinking about smaller improvements I can make until the bigger things sort themselves out. Maybe the first one is to make a promise to myself to not take things so seriously, and to forgive myself for not having all the answers right now. Because maybe at the heart of it, I'm just pissed off at being lost. I'm usually so certain of everything.

It's a pretty big lesson for me - learning to be kind to myself. I'm by far my own worst critic, and when the voices strike up, they usually don't fight fairly. Why is that? They dig deep - not just "you'll fail at this", no... It's much dirtier - "you never succeed at anything, nobody likes you, you'll never find something that makes you happy", etc.

I hate that little critic in my brain. It sucks.

I should treat life more like I treat my yoga classes. I go in there thinking "do the best you can, do it with honour and integrity and forgive yourself if you need to take a break". That's the little mantra I tell myself before class.

And now I'm going to do as I'm told and forgive myself for needing a break. A break from being such an insufferable know-it-all. ;)

Stuck in the Muck

I've really tried my best to detach myself enough from things to coast through my 20s without any of that pesky "quarter-life crisis" stuff... And I thought I had mostly managed, until now.

I have to admit. Everything feels really up in the air right now. I feel stuck, like my foot's been slowly sinking into this quicksand and part of me has been like 'it's okay, it's supposed to happen like this' and I've been trying to wait it out, see if it gets better, if it magically lets go. But then somewhere along the way I started to get used to the comfort of the warm sand hugging my ankle. I started to forget where I was going before I got stuck. And then soon enough I had convinced myself that this was my destiny. I was destined to be here, stuck, because the universe had something to teach me, show me, throw my way.

And then, maybe just a couple days ago I woke up and remembered who I was before I got stuck. I felt a glimpse of the panic and the excitement of the journey, the unknowing, the confusion and the anticipation of the final destination. It made me want to get unstuck, but what then? I've been stuck so long I hardly know what to do with that much freedom. Being stuck is the known, the familiar. I don't know the world outside of my stuck-ness.

All of this to say that I need to schedule a face to face with my guides and figure out what I'm supposed to do with myself if I finally get around to pulling my leg out.

And really, any and all advice is extremely welcome. Please, you wise sages out there - tell me how you get unstuck.

I hope they're right...

Hi Universe, It's Me, Diana

Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind. -Albert Einstein

I get really excited about people working to unite physics and metaphysics. I think part of the reason is that I found spirituality through science. I think, like a lot of people, I had been perfectly happy to side with science. We had proof, calculations that explained how we came to be. Religions had nothing but a book and a promise. Science 1, Religion 0.

But as I got older, things got a bit more muddied. I discovered space. Not the near planets, not the constellations and their Greek mythologies - but deep space. The space they don't tell you about in high school.

Because while I had been wading around in my blissful teenage self-absorption, some very smart people decided to send a telescope out into space. Then they decided to point it at a very empty-looking piece of blackness about the size of your pinky fingernail. And then they opened up the shutter for 11 days.

And when they finally blinked, they saw this:



Over 10,000 galaxies, as they existed billions of years ago.

The first time I saw it, I couldn't find my breath. My heart leapt. It was the most beautiful and humbling thing I had ever seen or known.

I wish this was mandatory learning - there should be centres where you can go and recline and look up at a great big IMAX dome projecting this image 24/7. Because seeing it, thinking about how every light in that picture represents a galaxy, comprised of billions of stars. To think that there are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on all the beaches of the earth.

It made me feel small, but special. And that's exactly what god does for most people, right? Makes one feel small, but special. I guess that's how I found (my) god. The universe became something much more complicated and abstract than I had thought - and it challenged all of my notions of how things work - because when it came to the bigger stuff, I soon discovered that even the best scientists out there just kind of shrug. They don't have all the answers either. Believe me.

I later came across quantum physics - another interesting little branch of science that had the lab coats scratching their heads. Particles acting like they have a memory? What on earth?!

But as we start to understand the universe in all its facets and functions. I hope that we'll also find out more about how we as a species fit into the bigger picture.

Who were you?

Are you your great uncle reincarnated? No? Well I know someone who probably is his great uncle reincarnated. He was born with an inordinate amount of information about someone who had never existed in his life. His first experience of knowing this was when he first met his great aunt when he was young. She remarked at how much he resembled her late husband. And as she stroked his hair he began to tell her bits of information about this man he had never known. He described the street he lived on, strange oddities about his personality and nicknames that people used for him.

And, like many other children who talk about things that adults can't make sense of, he was promptly told to "stop it". He never spoke about such things again - but always remained drawn to pictures of his great uncle.

Can I say hands down that he is the reincarnation of that man? No, but I can say it sounds about right.

When my friend passed, I had a very nice chat with him via a very talented medium. He told me of his plans to reincarnate into the family he had just left. It validated the notion that we never really stray very far from family.

When I was young I had a very strong sense about some of my friends - like I had always known them. Like they were traveling with me.

And sure enough, I think we choose a lot of things about our rebirth - the wheres, hows and whos... I think we often reincarnate back into our 'circle' (as wide as that may be). I do not doubt that they are our circle on the other side as well. Like a (dare I say it) soul group of sorts.

How would that work? In that great big world - how would I recognize you from our last life together? Easy. Harmonics. (See my earlier post on this) From life to life you're probably singing the same tune - and a good friend would know that song from a mile away.

I was at a lovely family gathering yesterday, a celebration of my recent wedding... And as the old family photos got pulled out - grandparents who've passed, great aunts and uncles on the walls, I looked to the new baby in the room and wondered...

Here's a little laugh for those of you non-believers:

Zapped

So many apologies for not blogging today - I'm actually out of town at a business conference and it's sucking the life out of me (good thing I was all filled up with good reiki prior to coming - how else would I survive?). I always talk about this notion of being "on" - in social situations people like myself often feel like they have to put on the good show, smile at everyone, talk to everyone, engage everyone in conversation - indulge extremely shallow topics of discussion... it's all just so empty. But it's protocol. So you do it.

Well after hob-nobbing for a solid 12 hours, having had very little to eat and perhaps a tad too much to drink, I'm definitely feeling like someone switched me off. Power down. Need to regroup.

I will be away all of this week - will try to put sentences together in some kind of meaningful blog entry at some point, but I think all I'm capable of in this mode is talking about how beautiful the weather is. Go on, ask me how beautiful the weather is here in Ottawa. It's bloody gorgeous.

So, in short, sorry for the hiatus this week. I promise I'll have lots of wonderfully magic insights next week.

Thanks for tuning in. Owe you.

Let's Evolve, Shall We?

I've now heard from a few sources that the times they are a changin'... That there is a new level of awareness in the world, that people are opening up to new possibilities, that kids are being born who are special, psychic, attuned to the universe and in possession of unique gifts (like this little girl.

This isn't a new statement. It probably started in the 60s - along with the birth of all things 'new age' - there has been talk of changes. Big changes. Age of Aquarius and all that jazz.

But what I find so interesting is that for the first time I actually think we might all be planning for it. And here goes another wacky Diana theory.

Television and film, media in general serves a greater purpose than just turning us into automatons who run out and buy the cars 'they' tell us to. I think television and film reflects society back to us. This works because media is driven by the consumer, they make what we want to watch. And what we want to watch is dictated by the kinds of things we value. I Dream of Jeannie clearly reflected our sentiment towards the place of men and women. Will & Grace reflected a growing acceptance and comfort with homosexuality just as Sex and the City reflected a new modus operandi - namely the pursuit of glamour, shoes and love and/or sex.

Shows succeed or fail based on ratings, in other words, a show's success depends on the number of people who like the subject matter - and whether or not that show "speaks to us" and our current condition. Last year alone I recall a number of series that didn't make it past pilot. But there was this one series that not only made it - it became a smash success, maybe even the most popular series of 2006.

It wasn't a terribly novel concept - in fact, it's almost daringly close to another series - a movie series, based on a comic book series - but it obviously struck a chord. The topic? Ordinary human beings who exceed ordinary human potential. Heroes may be comic book fodder, but it asks us to look at the evolution of our own species. Have we really reached our limit? Or are we all Hiro Nakamura, staring at the clock, knowing.. feeling that we could stop time with enough effort... is that why we rejoice in watching him succeed?



There has been a lot of talk about how humankind is no longer evolving, that instead we are evolving through our technology - that our next logical step will be to integrate ourselves with computers for maximum potential. Well, yeah, partially, but I think there's an important evolution that also needs to take place, and it's on a more personal level. And that is achieving our own personal maximum.

Maybe that means that we learn how to harness our energy - for the purposes of healing, fueling or otherwise. Maybe it means that we start taking psychics and mediums seriously, and garner information only accessible through communication with the other side (I heard that's how the Sumerians got all their info).

Another important evolutionary step, I feel, would be for all of us to live with more compassion. Because if there were more compassion, there would be less war. And where there was suffering, there would not be hopelessness.

Reiki Power!

My life has been a beautiful tapestry of synchronous moments - when particular turning-points have been dictated by the universe and not me. I recall specific moments - like the time my friend on the other side was anxious to talk to me. Signs for psychics everywhere. I would open the phonebook - on the page for psychic ads. The radio show that day would have a psychic guest.

Or more recently, I came across Reiki. I was reading about scientific studies on healing through the hands. They naturally mentioned Reiki. I did my daily blog and in looking for images, I stumbled across Reiki. Then I went to yoga that night. The instructor, out of a room full of people came over to me and touched my back during one of the resting positions. Later, I inquired about it, because it had so relaxed me, just that light light touch. She casually said "I put a little Reiki in it". This was, let me remind you, within 24 hours of all that other Reiki stuff. It was like, 'okay, universe, I get it'. The fact is, I was meant to get into Reiki at this time.

The more I looked into it, the more I thought about the wonderful things I could do if I knew Reiki. I would visit my friend with brain cancer and give him Reiki sessions. I would help my husband with his constant indigestion. I would even help myself with my heart chakra, which seems to be doing a spring cleaning of sorts these days.

So I started researching the how and wheres to becoming a Reiki healer. It turns out that you can't learn the Reiki, exactly. Instead, a Reiki master has to give you the energy force. I don't quite understand this, except that it seems that by the act of receiving this from a master, your system gets cleaned out, like a giant chakral colonic. And then you become a conduit for it - able to use it to heal yourself and others.

Kinda makes me want to don a cape and spandex - and shout "Reiki power!" into the sky.

Chakra Khan

It was a funny moment for me last night when my husband made a crack about my chakra, and I said "which one?" and he just kind of looked at me quizzically and said "there's more than one?"

And I laughed. "Yeah," I replied, "there are seven."

He felt I should blog about it - so here I am. I'll talk about the chakras as I have come to know and understand them.

But to 'buy into' the chakra system, you really have to accept the notion that our bodies are energy conduits. If you're particularly spiritual, you might even say that you are entirely made of energy and just housed in flesh.

The energy travels from our base (the base of the spine) to the top of our head (and beyond). And within our bodies there are so-called vortexes. Little centres of gravity which cause our energy to pool in specific locations in the body.

Each "pool" or chakra serves a vital function in our lives. And once you understand what each of them does, they can become a helpful tool in self-diagnosing and healing that which ails you.



Let's start at the bottom and work our way up. And just for fun let's avoid their hard to pronounce Sanskrit names - and keep it real.

The Root Chakra:
Typically associated with the colour red, this chakra is located where the tailbone meets the floor when you sit. It connects you to the earth, grounds you, keeps it real. It's associated with feelings of security, trust, etc.

The Sacral Chakra:
Typically associated with the colour orange and located in the reproductive organs. This one controls sexual function/dysfunction and reproductive functions.

The Emotion Centre:
Located in the solar plexus/stomach and is yellow. It's where we process the baser emotions like fear, excitement, nervousness, anxiety, elatement. Pretty much explains sensations like butterflies, knots in the stomach, and why you want to throw up when you're really scared, shocked, or upset. Also controls digestion, duh.

The Heart Chakra:
A generally green chakra - located in the heart. It controls higher emotions like love, compassion. Controls the immune system. If you're having a hard time with love in your life or are always getting sick, might be time to check in with this one (more on fixing your chakras later).

The Throat Chakra:
Blue, found in the throat. Communication is controlled here, also personal expression. Creativity, I believe, also stems mostly from this chakra (along with others). This is why when you are trying to prevent yourself from crying you might feel a lump in your throat.

The Third Eye Chakra:
It's purpley-blue, and square between the brows. This one is your ability to intuit, sense, and all the fun stuff we associate with 'seeing'. Could also be responsible to your ability to make decisions or 'see' possible outcomes to current decisions you're faced with.

The Crown Chakra:
Generally described as purple-white, the crown chakra is your connection to your higher self and (if you're a believer in a such things) God. It's located at the top of your head and extends upwards.


WORKING WITH THE CHAKRAS

Even if you're not big into meditation, you can do yourself and your body a whole lotta good by just aligning your chakras from time to time.

Do it when you're about to fall asleep (you're already calm and resting).

Visualize your energy centres - with their colours - in the body. You might even try to feel them light up inside you. In your mind, step back from yourself and take a look - are there any that aren't in line with your centre (in line with the spine)? If so - locate that chakra and imagine moving it back in place.

Or maybe if you're having trouble with one particular chakra - imagine yourself bathed in a light of the corresponding colour. Imagine it replenishing your energy centre and healing it.


And yes, if you haven't made the connection yet - it's all the colours of the rainbow. Your inner little rainbow.

The Hero and Your Journey - Part 3

[[This is part 3 of a series, please scroll down to read parts 1 & 2 first]]


You are now THE HANGED MAN, forced to sit with yourself until you find a way out of your current bind (pun intended). This is decision time. You could call for help, but your lover might find you first and require explanation. Or you could remain here. With the tree. Because you are too proud.

Eventually you begin to trust yourself and the universe and accept that there is a reason for the standstill - to force new movement where you have let yourself grow stagnant. You call out for help and are rescued. But not by your lover.

Your lover has met her DEATH*. In a way you, too, feel as though you have died. You spend much time trying to forget about her/him and forget about your quest. This is the ultimate test of your resolve. Can you mourn the loss and see it as opportunity for new creation? Can you accept such major changes and move on with your life?

*Please be clear that in a reading Death does not mean death to you or a loved one – but a time of great personal change, where you literally shed your old identity and move forward toward a new one.

You fall asleep and have a dream. You have a dream that you meet a witch who is pouring liquids together in a large cauldron. What is she making, what elixir is this? She pours in fire and water and the two mix together. The message is clear. Life and death, man and woman, all opposites can be merged with the right proportion in the right way. Much like the mixing of two colours to create a new one, you can master this ART. You can learn TEMPERANCE – and neutralize materials with their opposites.

When you awake you are holding the philosopher’s stone. The ability to turn ordinary metals into gold. You don’t know how it came to you, but you are now in possession of the grail you sought so long ago.

Its power intoxicates and becomes highly addictive. You begin to suspect it is the devil’s work. But it turns out that it is you who is THE DEVIL, when you are without moderation. The Devil is the lesson of moderation in the face of intoxication and addiction (whatever the nature).

You become paranoid that others might seek to take your stone from you, so you retreat to a large tower and climb to the top so that you might see enemies approaching from miles away.

As you spiral out of control so does your life – You are no longer in control of your emotions or your delusions. You have locked yourself up in your tower and are hiding from the world. But a fire threatens the tower, and as flames lick the sides of the building and burn up the stairs, you have no choice but to jump.

THE TOWER crumbles, until there is nothing left but rubble.

You survive the fall but the stone is lost in the rubble. You howl out to the world and cry and wail, but in doing so you release the emotion you have built up and failed to release earlier. Catharsis. You feel an inner thaw. The knock on your head did you some good and you finally see clearly.

The night falls over the rubble and you begin thinking about the things you have lost and the knowledge you have gained. You look up and notice THE STAR that will guide you home. Suddenly you find yourself overwhelmed with new hope. You will find your way again. All is not lost. You realize that you are ready to return, knowing that you no longer need for anything.

Following the star you travel through the night. THE MOON rises, illuminating a watery path. You begin to feel disoriented, as if walking in your sleep. You pass under the moon, between two pillars ancient and strange. Suddenly, you look around to find yourself in another world. This is the same world the High Priestess would not show you earlier. Here are the dark mysteries, ones that have to do with the most primal and ancient powers, powers of nature, not of civilization. It is a land poets, artists, musicians and madmen know well, a terrifying, alluring place, with very different rules. Wolves, howling in homage to the moon, run wild across this land, hunting along side maidens with bow and arrows; and creatures from childhood nightmares and fantasies peer from shadows.

You are standing hip-deep in a stream, feeling the powerful pull of its ebb and flow. There is, on the nearby shore, a small boat, but it has no rudder, nor paddles. You have only two choices. You can lose yourself in this desolate, primal land of madness and illusion, howl with the wolves, be hunted down, or get into the boat, and trust the moon. As you begin to trust the Moon and the powers of the unconscious, creativity, inspiration, visions, genius, reward you. This is the real boon you sought.

As the moon sets and THE SUN rises, you feel immense happiness. Not just from the fact that you made it out of the tricky otherworld but because you now trust in yourself and the universe. This happiness radiates from your insides until you are the Sun. You feel like a child again.

Your boat finds shore and you find your land legs.


You make it back to your village but you find that you have been gone much longer than you thought. In fact, you can’t believe that not a single person even knows you anymore and the village itself is barely recognizable. Is it in fact the same place you left? You soon realize that it is not the place that has changed, but you. You have entered a new era, a new AEON. And as you let all childhood attachments go, the village embraces you.

You have no holy grail, no magic elixir, no philosopher’s stone. But you have many many stories to tell the children of the village. Many wisdoms to share. And those who will know you will love you for bringing them THE WORLD. For you are now the sum of all parts, the totality of completion, you are THE UNIVERSE in all of its forms. You are complete.

The Hero and Your Journey - Part 2

[[This is part 2 of a series - please scroll down and read part 1 first]]

You head toward the second castle. It is a dome. It has not a single pointy edge. Inside the sphere, the EMPRESS rules. She is the ultimate mother archetype. She nutures everyone and everything, including you when you pop in for a visit. As she plants seeds and tends to her luscious gardens, she reminds you that it is necessary to allow ideas to germinate, allow room for things to grow. You need to be patient with your plans and yourself. Everything needs space and time to grow.

You're confused. To go ahead, or to stay. You can't decide. You need help. Maybe a shrink or a priest to tell you what to do. You seek out the HIEROPHANT. This wise counsellor is a bit of a stodge-podge, but he tells you what you need to hear and you decide to move forward after all.

You're walking toward your chariot when you fall head over heels in love. You can't help yourself. You've met your perfect match. They are absolutely everything you have been looking for in a mate. Your soul mate. True love has found you - but you're on the move. So as LOVERS, you both hop on the CHARIOT and continue on.

The CHARIOT is swift - it carries you much further down the path than you might have gotten otherwise. While you ride it you can think only of what you want - which is the holy grail. But this is the first time you have realized that perhaps it is not the grail that you seek, but something more profound. You get your first little bit of insight into yourself.

Life on the road (as any rock star will tell you) brings a few insights. One of which is that your life is not nearly as balanced as it should be. It's a good time to weigh your priorities (inspired by the scales of JUSTICE). I guess you could also say it's a great period of ADJUSTMENT (Crowley Tarot).

The nights on the road grow colder and you're starting to doubt yourself and your chosen path. You are no longer desiring the grail, but rather something more intangible. You find a place to stop and tuck your love in for the night while you wander into the woods. With only the light of your lantern you have a good long think about the nature of your life, your spirituality and your desire. You are no longer the Fool. You have now become THE HERMIT.

Suddenly life, the universe and everything in it is starting to make more sense. The cyclical nature of everything, the ebb and flow of your desires and your FORTUNE. You begin to see that destiny is much more complicated and beautiful than you had dreamt about in your philosophy. You begin to understand that this journey has been about karma. As has your life. You begin to understand the cycle of rebirth and the means through which you might escape it.

You notice something in the trees - how long have you been here? Something stirs. It is a lion. The lion turns into a beautiful naked person (of the gender of your choice). Overcome with LUST (according to the Crowley Tarot), you give in. By giving in, you admit that you are not above your "baser instincts" but that they are a part of you that you might master and later channel as power. This gives you STRENGTH (according to other tarot decks)

But like all good one-night stands, you wake up in the morning hand-cuffed to the tree. Naked.

[To be continued...]

The Hero and Your Journey - Part 1

**Note: this is such a big entry, I have to do it in parts - you can thank me later ;)**

I had a professor in university who had the nasty habit of pointing out just how easily Joseph Campbell's "Hero's Journey" could be applied to everything. For those of you unfamiliar, Campbell basically studied all of the major stories that have shaped our world as we know it (the Christ story, the Grail quest, Buddha, you name it.) and set out to map the road all heroes travel, whether it be in literature (everything from the bible to Harlequin follows the same basic structure), in film, in television
or otherwise. In fact, I recall that he offered up $50 to any student who could find a film that did not follow Joseph Campbell's structure. I believe he never paid out.

During this same semester, I was trying to learn the tarot. Not just for the sake of doing readings for myself and friends (although that's always educational), but to understand why and how it was possible to self-diagnose with the tarot.

Not I know there are those who are able to use the tarot to different ends, perhaps to trigger intuition about those they are reading for, or to perform magick. But me? Little old me? Ah, I just use it to figure out where my head is.

And believe me, when used properly, the tarot is a really great tool for self-diagnosing. In attempting to 'read' the cards for yourself, you're forced to take some hard looks at your current state. I always say that the tarot will never tell you anything you don't already know, but it might tell you some things you don't want to admit.

Anyway, so here I am studying Joseph Campbell and tarot at the same time. And I realized that like everything else (it seems), the major Arcana, from The Fool to the Universe (or the World, depending on your deck) seemed to be following the hero's journey. Here's the Coles' Notes version.

1. A call to adventure, which the hero has to accept or decline
2. A road of trials, regarding which the hero succeeds or fails
3. Achieving the goal or "boon," which often results in important self-knowledge
4. A return to the ordinary world, again as to which the hero can succeed or fail
5. Application of the boon, in which what the hero has gained can be used to improve the world

Or to quote Campbell himself:

³A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man."

I won't pretend I'm any kind of expert (I am a jack of all trades, master of few - and Tarot isn't one of them) - so bear with me ... Here's a crash course on how to 'read' the story of the tarot (remember, YOU are the hero in this particular journey). Look at it as a really good way to navigate your way through the big players of the tarot, if you're a beginner or just interested.


***

You (the FOOL) embark on a journey to find the holy grail. You are naïve and have little sense of the danger that lies ahead.

You encounter a MAGICIAN (the Magus/Magician) who gives you a really good pep talk and some magic potion. You feel invigorated, ready to take on the world, but it's dark, you're lost and you forgot to ask for a map or a flashlight.

A light comes out of the darkness, it's an ethereal being, a PRIESTESS. She guards a doorway to another world, a very secret world that holds many wonders. But she's not going to let you through. You haven't earned it. Instead she offers you something else, a glimpse perhaps, enough to whet your appetite anyway. She also tells you where you are so that you may find your bearings, but she does not tell you where you need to go. You realize that you are lost.

You have been walking all night through the forest. Finally, after dawn, you spot two castles in the distance.

The first is ruled by the EMPEROR. It is perfectly square, surrounded by a mote and enclosed by huge towering walls that keep everything belonging to the Emperor inside the castle grounds. You seek counsel with the Emperor. He is a good ruler but he only understand things so long as they are ordered, logical, and builds walls to keep close the people and things he holds dear. You ask him where you should go to learn more about your true nature. He urges you to not forge ahead but instead to plant your feet and build some structure around yourself. He tells you that structure, family ties and roots are where you will find your treasure.

But you're not quite ready to plant roots. You have other plans.

**to be continued tomorrow**

Heaven's Kitchen

I'd never heard the term ADC (After-Death Communication) until this morning when I googled "talking to dead people". But although I may be unfamiliar with the term, I'm definitely familiar with the experience.

So much so that I decided to stop by a particular site and tell my stories to some people studying it. Because I like giving back to the scientific community ;)

As I was writing it, telling my story for what feels like the millionth time (it's hard NOT to tell these kinds of stories, to pretty much anyone willing to listen), I realized that I should probably copy it and paste it here, for you guys.

Because I don't know much - but I know that this life? it doesn't end here.

So here it is, my account of my ADC from a year and a half ago:

It was a particularly difficult night in terms of grief. I missed my friend more than I could express. I also lamented the fact that since his death I no longer believed in anything - all of my spiritual/religious beliefs had blown away like the wind, leaving me a void of faith. I no longer believed in anything. Nothing made sense anymore. I had previously been a spiritually curious person, but at that moment, I was empty.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

And then I found myself in a kitchen.

It was more like a kitchen on a stage, because only the table I was sitting at was illuminated, and the background was dark and hidden in shadow. The table was white and shiny and sitting at it to my left was my friend who had committed suicide months before. He wasn't wearing a shirt and looked incredibly muscular (far more than he had been in life) and his hair was cut quite short, revealing scars where the bullets had passed through his skull. But the fact was, they were scars, he was healed, and whole. And he looked not just healthy, but strong. Very strong.

I can't recall the exact dialogue here, but I knew that he was dead. He looked down at a scar that ran clear across his heart (again, it was healed). He asked if he had done that. I said yes, and he apologized, said he never meant to hurt anyone. I told him I missed him and he put his hand on the table. I held his hand and felt it. Really felt it. It comforted me.

He took my hand and stood up - aimed us toward a pair of swinging doors leading to another room. He told me he wanted to show me something.

I entered the second room. It was another kitchen (I later found out that his favourite room in life had always been the kitchen). This time it had checkered black and white tile flooring and all white cabinets. There was a sink, and below it all of the plumbing was exposed. By the way, Mikey (my friend) was no longer with me. I examined the spot underneath the sink. There was a wicker basket there with a pile of folded dishtowels in it. On top of the pile there was a limp sponge in the shape of a cat.

Suddenly the cat sponge righted itself and began walking like a cat. But then it shook and all of this water splashed off of it (because it was a sponge). On the breeze, Mike said "See what I can do now?".

I woke gradually from this dream, and not only felt calm but had a renewed sense of spirit - everything that I had believed prior to his death about the nature of life, the universe and everything in it had been restored - and not just restored, but my beliefs had become knowledge. Like I suddenly KNEW the things I had only theorized about before.

I also knew, without a doubt that Mikey was okay, and that he was strong again.

Human Potential

I'm reading a fantastic book right now by Lynne McTaggart called The Intention Experiment (see link on right). Along with her first book, The Field, it's a really good read for those of us who are both spiritually and scientifically minded.

What I love about this kind of research is that it's bridging the gap between science and spirituality. It's in fact proving that our consciousness influences the material world, that our very thoughts are capable of healing and affecting change.

I've always been fascinated by the potential of human beings towards extra-sensory perception and the hidden powers of the mind. I remember vividly as a child, concentrating as hard as I could, trying so very hard to make objects move using my mind. I'm not sure how it ever occurred to me that I should be able to do this, but it was like I knew I could, I just didn't know how.















Telekinesis, ESP, all things I've always thought are within reach of all of us, if only we knew how.

But now I'm so heartened by the multitude of scientists around the world who are proving that the mind is more than just a souped-up hard drive running an OS - it's somehow connected to everything else. They think perhaps this connection occurs over the Zero-point field, which, if the mind is the computer running on Windows, or even better, OS X, then the Zero-point field could very possibly be the internet - the aether everything is connected to - the place where information is freely exchanged and anything is knowable.

But as I read the Wiki entry for Zero-point field I see that this theory does not have the support of the general scientific community. And I sigh...

I guess it did take a while to convince the world that the Earth rotates around the Sun and not the other way around... But somebody really should have told this guy.

The G Word

I got together with an old friend from high school last night. I hadn't seen her since high school actually. We had a great chat, caught up, exchanged tidbits of gossip about mutual acquaintances, etc... This entry has nothing to do with this - only that she said something that made me laugh and inspired today's random thought.

We were talking about babies (I know, shocker, women in their late 20s talking about babies). Her take on infertility was that if "god doesn't want you to have them" you probably shouldn't. Now, there's a loaded statement to be sure. But this entry has nothing to do with that either. She prefaced that statement with "Not that I believe in God. Or anything. But if god doesn't..." THAT is what interested me.

I realized what an interesting and tricky conundrum it was. To decidedly NOT believe in something, but then give it power like that.

Anyway, that's not what this entry is about either. "Get to the point, lady!" Alright, alright.

I had a little interesting moment during this conversation when I realized just how comfy I had become with the G-word. GOD. I hadn't even flinched like I used to. And oh, I used to flinch.

It was a big strange word when I was growing up. It was what other kids at school went to church to learn about. I didn't have a religious upbringing and only really knew about god because my parents sent me to a Mennonite camp when I was 6 (it was a good camp) and because when I slept over at friends' houses on Saturday night I had to go to church with them Sunday morning.

When I got a little older I decided I didn't believe in God. God was like Santa Claus. A really good story to tell the kids, but it was something you grow out of, like the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. No one I knew really believed in god. At best I'd get a "dunno" when I asked my friends if God was real. Clearly there was no evidence. Clearly it was a fiction.

A little older still, in my teens I started taste-testing other religions.

My best friend in grade 10 had been raised Wiccan. Her mother was a very sweet witch who told me my name was a very powerful name. Goddess of the Moon. The hunter. She fed me dried roots whenever something ailed me. My friend and I did a love spell at midnight under a full moon. Teenage girls should never do love spells. It went horribly horribly wrong.

I befriended a Hindu girl during summer school. Her mother made the most fantastic naan bread. Her father invited me into his prayer room (as long as I wasn't on my period), where a large elephantine statue smiled at me. I offered it candy. It's name was Ganesh.

And when another close friend was told by her father she was to either convert to Islam or risk being cut off from her siblings, she and I read the Koran together, trying to make sense of some of the particularly difficult passages (like the one I believe was instructing a man to beat his wife until she submits to his will).

I went to Israel when I was 15 on a Jewish summer school Archeology course. I dug in the desert sun for four hours a day - on a site called Bethsaida. An old fishing village mentioned in the bible. We stayed in a kibbutz on the North shore of the Sea of Galilee. I swam there daily. One day I had been out swimming with a friend when, quite a ways out from shore, I stumbled upon a sandbank and stood on it. My feet were only inches in the water... And I walked, on water. In the Sea of Galilee. Or so it would have seemed to someone on the shore. Someone unaware of the sandbank.

I started asking questions about the possibility of Jesus walking on sandbanks. My Jewish teacher promptly asked me to stop.

Throughout all of it, I think my relationship with God remained one of curiosity. Was I just colour blind when it came to God? What had managed to convince everyone else? If there was a God, what kind of God was it? Was it the Roman picture of God - white beard, toga, staff. Was it Elephant-Headed and Blue? Was it a he or a she...?

My husband was raised Catholic. Catholic school, catholic church, the whole works and yet even he isn't sure he believes any of it (but I note that he faithfully recites the lines and goes through the motions when he's in a Catholic church).

But none of it fit, you know? Parts of parts did. Little tidbits rang true here and there, but on the whole there wasn't a single religion I really felt had 'nailed' it.

Eventually I decided it was best and easiest to stop arguing - and start substituting. You say "God", I hear "Universal Intelligent Energy" (or something like that).

And the more I read about breakthroughs in modern science, quantum physics and the strange capabilities of subatomic particles, the more I'm starting to think of God as the magical mini bits that we all made of - the bits of energy that connect us all.

Could I be so bold as to say WE are God, or that we are made OF God? Maybe after a few drinks, in the company of friends, but I'm certainly not bold enough to do it here.

Or maybe Ron L. had it right and we're all just trapped little aliens who should cough up half a million dollars to find ourselves again... What do I know?

Fate Cookies

I love fortune cookies. They're fun. I love stupid machines that claim to read your palm for 25cents. I even love stupid con-artists who claim to read your palm for $25. I recently put $1 into a Zoltar machine in San Fransisco (only half expecting to be turned into an adult - thanks to all the Tom Hanks/ 80s movies fans who got that reference)...

And yet.

I constantly struggle with the notion of fate. It's a tough pill to swallow to be sure. And I've never felt entirely comfortable with it, but I'm slightly more uncomfortable with the notion that it doesn't exist, and that the universe is a chaotic web of chance.

And yet.

I can't accept that everything is entirely planned. I can't accept this partly because my ego needs to believe that it is making important choices and that it is in the driver's seat.

And yet.

I have had the fortune of meeting a very talented medium. She's pretty much the closest thing to evidence I've ever encountered when it comes to proof of the afterlife. And it always freaks me out when she nails the details of future events, only to be validated years later.

But how, I ask, could she so accurately predict future events if things aren't predestined? What are they seeing if it's not just a page in the all-knowing bible of things to come?

The fancy-pants scientist in me wants to talk about how once two subatomic particles touch, they will forever remain connected, no matter the distance. It's called nonlocality. My inner geek wants to concoct some kind of science fiction about how our future exists in another dimension, and is only a potentiality - the product of my subatomic particles affecting those future particles ... Or something. I can almost picture it as an ever-changing mass of probabilities that at any moment can be seen - that is to say that a psychic can tap into this - take a snapshot of the landscape and describe it back to us. But in a way, it's only true at that very moment. In that very moment, it is our current trajectory - a very probable outcome.

Or maybe I defer to my belief that we plan our lives before we're born... And although we're driving the course on auto-pilot, we were the ones who built the road.

I don't know. But the truth of the matter is, half of me loves the comfort of the thought that it's all already in the works, and that the universe is working it's mysterious magic to bring me everything I need to accomplish what I set out for.

The other half of me is wondering who on earth would throw out all these fortune cookies!

Random Babble After Being Inspired

I had the magnificent opportunity to listen to the CBC's Tapestry segment on Radio One yesterday. The host was interviewing a man by the name of Bo Lozoff. He is a modern mystic doing incredible spiritual work with prisoners through the Prison Ashram Project.

His project aims to transform a prisoner's time served into time to reflect and grow spiritually. As he explains, 70% of prisoners are non-violent. They're thrust into an unforgiving environment where more often than not they are subject to horrible abuse at the hands of their inmates. He was compelled to extend his spiritual teachings and lessons to prisoners when his own brother was incarcerated. Imagine the possibilities, though, if a man or woman could enter prison confused, alone, without hope and leave with a sense of the mystery of the universe, a sense of the Sacred. Imagine if the prison system churned out mystics, rather than monsters hardened by years of abuse. I think it's great work. I find myself inspired.

But Bo also just talked about the truths he knew and the more he talked, the more I gawked.

I can't believe how often I find myself to be surprised when I hear of others whose beliefs so closely match my own. It's not a vanity thing, that I believe myself to be the only person to draw the conclusions I have. Perhaps it's exactly the opposite in fact. Perhaps there is an insecurity there, just a sliver of doubt. And to hear my own beliefs repeated back to me by strangers I've never spoken to is magical. It validates me on such a deep level.

One thing I highly envy about my religious friends is their sense of community, of belonging. They have a built-in support group, people who share their view of the world. For myself it's always been a much lonelier path. Any truths I have found have been through literature, audio lectures or the few conversations I've had with like-minded souls. But for the most part, it's just been me, assembling piecemeal truths as they occur to me. Which brings me back to my complete sense of elation when I turn on the radio and listen to someone like Bo talk about the truths that he has found - and that they ring so true to me.

At one part of the program he mentioned Hinduism’s Sanatana Dhanna, which states:

1. Something sacred, truly holy, and incomprehensible does exist.

2. This sacred reality can be touched directly by each of us, in our depths.

3. The quest to touch that reality is the primary purpose of life. If we do not touch the sacred, we will "have done nothing."

I just thought it was clear, succinct and exact in its explanation of what I have come to know as well. I believe it to be no coincidence that all the religions would find truth in these three statements. And I believe that it is in the overlap where we will all find the real, fundamental truths. If only we could all see that we believe in the same core thoughts, and stop focusing on names and dates and characters... there is a place for common beliefs across religion and spirituality.

But since I'm a spiritualist, I'm mostly just alone with my thoughts. But I suppose that was my initial hope in creating this blog, that I could do for someone what Bo Lozoff has done for me; that by putting my thoughts out there, a few lone travelers might stumble upon it and feel a little less alone too.


Please visit Bo Lozoff's Human Kindness Foundation for more information on his books and projects.

Laughing at Stress

I'm back and blissfully happy in love with my new husband. I'm also perfectly de-stressed. What a great time for me, now to reflect on the nature of stress on our lives. Particularly since it's a very timely topic in my and my husband's life right now.

We have only been back to work for two days now. And yet my husband had a panic attack last night, induced by stress.

Us urbanites live with a spectacularly huge amount of daily stress. Commuting is stressful. Our jobs are stressful. Our high living costs are stressful. Stress stress everywhere. Sure a lot of us are totally health conscious. We don't smoke, we drink decaf, we cut carbs, we work out... but there is one thing we just won't give up. Stress. Why is that?

Stress gives us a sense of importance. It's like speed chess - and most of us just keep moving and punching the clock, hoping we'll come out on top. Especially us North Americans, we work longer hours and more days a year than any other part of the country. We live to work. It's eating us alive.


But then again, maybe it's all just more opportunities for us to test ourselves. How do we find peace in the moment. How do we center ourselves when deadlines approach, bosses start pressing us for results, emails start piling up. I wonder what Buddha would have done in an office environment. I imagine he would just look at the paperwork and laugh - and ironic kind of laugh, a laugh to reflect on just how meaningless it all is. We're all just typing monkeys passing the time, trying to keep ourselves busy, fill ourselves with purpose.

It's easy for me to say all of this now that I've been out of the grind. Because I've forgotten how pressing it all is. Come next week I'm sure I'll get sucked back into it. And when that happens I'll have to just remind myself to do what Buddha would do. And laugh. Because we're all wonderfully ridiculous, just trying to pass the time between important moments.

And before I sign out I'd like to thank Darcy for his very kind review at Spiritual Blog Reviews. It's nice to have a little validation from time to time, to at least know that I'm not just shouting into a void. Thanks again. It made my day.